I know I haven't posted on this blog for ages, but I think it's finally time for me to come back out again. I know nobody probably reads this anymore, and all I do is complain about my life, but I guess that's what I'm here for, right?

I sound like a child and a whiney baby, but there is literally nobody to tell and nobody who gives a shit to listen and I have all these internal emotions and a pile of confusion stuck in my head so I'm going to come out and say everything I want to say because I'm angry and I am just feeling seriously emotional for no reason. Call it pre-menstrual if you want, but I just thought about this a lot today and it's upsetting me.

First off, let me start off by saying I think Alvin is now a complete piece of shit and a douche bag and I really hate his guts and he seriously pissed me off and I shouldn't hold grudges but wow he is an actual asshole. I don't want to explain the story, but let me just say he is definitely the biggest piece of shit I've ever met. Also not to mention he is a 5 year old.

Secondly, I started to realize I am getting sad with the people I surround myself with. But it's not just me, I try to reach out, and I get nothing back. Sure, family problems and everything I get that, but it just sucks when you think people are your really good friends and you realize that thats not actually as true as you thought.

I'm tired of trying to be nice and care, because I want to be there for the people I supposedly love, but it's hard, and it's hard being around passive aggressive and condescending people.

I've been spending a lot of time with Giancarlo, Isabella, Jecob, and Alan, and I enjoy it a lot more than I do if I spend it with Lindsay or Angela. I've also been going on a lot of outings with Andrew, and our hang outs are pretty fun. The best thing about these people I've mentioned (discard Angela and Lindsay for this) is that they are just happy all the time. No frowns or anything. When I am with those people, we talk, for ages, and we enjoy everything we are doing. It's like, I don't have to worry about censoring myself or worrying about if I'm annoying them. I don't. And it's the best thing.

But sometimes I still feel really lonely. I literally get depressed when I talk to Lindsay and I hate it. Because she is such a good friend, but she's so passive aggressive, and flat out being an asshole. And I don't want to be around people like that. I'm tired of being around people who yell and get angry at everything. I'm tired of being around people who don't smile. Maybe it's a fake smile, but you'll forget about everything horrible if you just turn that goddamned frown upside down.

I don't want to be sad or angry, it's such a downer, especially to people around you. I want to be around good people. And maybe that doesn't make sense, along with the rest of this post, but I want to meet someone new. Do something new. I want to smile. I don't want to be surrounded by these people who have sour attitudes all the time. I want to enjoy this year. I want this to be a good year. It could possibly be my last year at home, and I really just want to make the best of it.

I already get enough arguments and aggressive attitudes from my mom, I don't want to see that on the people I choose to surround myself with. I want to be around people who forget everything bad, and just enjoy life as it comes.